Sunday, February 02, 2014

back, but different.......

I should probably preface this by apologising for my absence from this here space. It’s been four weeks - give or take a few days - since my last utterances right here. Which is equivalent to about six hundred internet years? Hmm, yes so apologising. Except I’m not really sorry. I’ll explain that - probably. 

So, it has been a while between drinks. I’ve not been lazy though, I’ve not been wasteful of my time or just frittering away the hours. Ok, I may have frittered away a few. But I did throw together a few essays; journalistic objectivity, the function of the nineteenth century critical weekly towards British politics and culture, and the social and technological impact of radio in a historical context. Right? Yeah, I have no idea what any of that means either. Good stuff. 

I bought a navy dress, one with a peplum at the hem, which I’m slowly falling in love with - I’m blaming the consecutive forty degree plus days for doing something to my brain. I rediscovered my love of cola spiders, snapped up a book on anthropology - might be the book buy of the century, no the millennium. And one on feminism. And one by Virginia Woolf, which is also, to be honest, a feminist tome. Am I the only one sensing a theme among my book purchases?

I moved my desk around and bought myself a brain cactus - it’s actually called a brain cactus, I haven’t just christened it that of my own volition. Obviously to help with the essays, reserving my judgement on it’s success until I see my marks. 

Clearly this abstract list is not in any kind of chronological order.

I trawled the ridiculous sales haunting the www’s and came up with one pair of Saint Laurent shoes I just haven’t been able to click home. I know it’s psychological, my subconscious and conscious selves battling over the patent leather and 50% off price tag. My finger hovering over the place order button while my eyes glaze over…and then the fatigue kicks in, I close the virtual window and go back to dreaming. 

I’ve drifted by here a few times, let my eyes wander and then somehow found myself back watching old TED Talks and trawling the Brainpicking’s archive. How come internet time goes so much quicker than real time? See six hundred years above.

But in my absence, while reading and writing and buying books and navy dropped hem peplum dresses and drinking cola spiders, I felt the dawn of revelation. Familiarity breeds contempt. It’s something that’s been running through my mind these past few weeks and I have a sneaking suspicion it’s largely responsible for the radio silence here. Actually sneaking is perhaps the wrong word, I’d say I know explicitly might be a better choice, at least more accurate anyway. This is the explanation part by the way.

Maybe I just needed some time away so the familiarity and the contempt had a chance to wear off. Maybe I needed to find myself a stranger to this place. I needed to forget where the tea cups were and what drawer the spoons were in. I needed to get lost, to find my way back. Fuck. That is cliche - but it is true. 

I’m back now, but I don’t think it’s going to be the same anymore. I think things are going to be different. Sometimes, more often than not, different is good. Really good. Exceptionally good and generally the antidote to whatever ails you. So, I hope you’ll excuse me while I take a big gulp of different.

kb xx